Logan Horse

This is Logan Scott Lane Anderson. He is my second.
He was born August 25, 2006 in Los Angeles California. He was suppose to be "Griffin" until he came on the planet and named himself "Logan". Honestly as honest goes, he named himself. He took his first breath, looked up at me and with is eyes I heard inside my head, "Hi I'm Logan".
I new the minute I saw him he would make me laugh. He would was here to enjoy. To see the world through a little boys eyes and smile at the sheer beauty. Everything is beautiful looking through his eyes. Everything is strong. Everything will be "alright". Logan is my stone. He is my focal point when I spin. He reminds me to not take things "too seriously, for it 's only life and no one gets out alive!"

NUTS

Today is one of those days I could talk forever. But instead I have to run arrands and find all the ingredients for a turkey dinner. I look forward to the holiday. But I am very much starting to look forward to posting. Finding time is like trying to find a ladybug on a four-leaf clover....she's there....not alway right in front of your nose...more like....inbetween. I feel NUTS.

I float
sometimes fly around my desire to sink to the bottom instead of holding on
I am fine
I know that it is a feeling
A moment that will fade
As quickly as it covered my soft aged skin
Hugging my insides safely from the insane weather of lifes tornados

Jack Crackers

This is Jack. Jack Mathew Blake Anderson. He's my first. He was born in Los Angeles on April 24, 2004. He has created quiet a story for his short 5 years on earth. He is what Matt (my better half) and I call our "deep blue something".

He is on the autistic spectrum. I say "on the spectrum" because if you are not in this "world of autisim" you may think all kids are just "autistic"....They are not. They are what I call the Zebra's of the kid kingdom. They are as individual with their challenges as they are with their DNA. Not one is like the other. They all have their own "autistic fingerprint" if you will. He is considered "high functioning", by the "system" he is as close to "normal" as you can get without being called "normal".

He has a hard time with using language that a 5 year old would "typically" be using. He'd rather be on the computer or playing WII or playing outside or in the playroom than hanging with the likes of "you". He's a blast. He's tons of fun, loves adventure, and exploring and laughing and giggles more than Elmo and Zoe put together. He is SMART. CRAZY SMART. Has puts things together that most 8 years are just working on. He reads, he works a computer like Bill Gates and eats nothing but french fries, chicken nuggets and soy chocolate milk. (He eats a little more than that but not much!)
He is my ocean. He is my wind. He is what moves me through the world.

I am a photographer. It has changed my life. The beauty I see often overwhelms me. It never occured to me to pick up a camera and share it with the world. Not until I had an overwhelming need to take time and look around, lifting the cloud of "shoulds" and open my eyes to see. It has saved my soul.

i am alone. no kids. no sound of nickjr. no sound of this and that. just me. the sound of the keypad and sanatra singing christmas music over the speakers at borders. i have a new place to hide. Borders. Free WiFi. it's nice. Being alone. I don't have to worry where i set my coffee down. it's where it wants to be not where it won't get knocked over by little hands. I love all of those little hands, but have to admit i love this ease of just being here with my SELF and my thoughts. It's comforting to know that i haven't gone anywhere...that i am here when i need me. patience. my SELF is very patient.

the voices are distracting over my computer at the other tabel. next time i shall where my ipod and really disappear.

i am not sure what this "blog" is about. I am not sure if it has to be "about" anything. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for you....SELF......I don't know really how the rest of it works. How others read it etc. I will learn as I go. right now i just want to get all of this STUFF out of my head. It's years of stuff. Stuff like the stuff under your bed. It's there and it's worth keeping but is negelected. My voice. My thoughts are the STUFF that make all of it real.

The title of this blog is a quote from Emily Dickenson.

I find my "self" here because of this quote. I have found ALOT because of this quote.

I am an artitst/mother/wife. I am a mother/wife/artist. I am a wife/artist/mother. It's a circle. Changing moment by moment. I am the hub of the wheel of fortune. I am still. I am circular. I move. I am centered. I am flowing with concentration and creativity. I am beauty in motion. I am beauty breathing in the day. I feel beautiful. When I feel beautiful all is right with the world and the universe that surrounds me. I am IS. I am I Stephanie. I am orginal simply by being me. I am creative simply by being alive. I seek therefore I find.