IN MEMORY of such GOOD MEMORIES

i have memories that i go back to when i need to find a good place to sit

i find myself sitting on a stage in the light of one spot and breathing
a black floor
a silent room filled with the ghosts of laughter, anticipation, tears
 music and song
when i look out among the room i see
seats fill the space
row after row
they sit dimly covered by the light of the lone light
the sun above

i am oddly sad
sitting here
remembering
this was the place of one of my first loves
one of the most authentic loves of my life
something that caught me off guard
i never saw it coming until it had already taken me over






the stage
acting
performing
using written talents of others my self and my heart to affect the souls of many sitting in the red sits
watching
all all too in the same air
inhale
exhale
alive
together
experiencing
moments that were made up
but so real

i love the stage
the theatre
live theatre
the pulse
the heart
 of entertainment

i love the silence sitting
waiting for the show to take over and fill the space with life
the dressing rooms
where you'd find your costume hanging
waiting for a warm body to fill it with life
the makeup
sitting waiting to be used

the water bottles
the music
the quite chatter of everyone focusing on the moments to come
but talking among themselves as friends

real friends
maybe not the same people
all from different places, different backgrounds
but one thing in common
love for acting
performing
theatre


i miss it
i think of it often and the things that surround me
that filled my mind
the questions of humanity of motivation of the human soul

i miss my friends
my ensemble that i trusted choice after choice
line after line
if i fell
someone would run and pick me up
if i was scared
eyes looked at me quieting saying your fine
go for it
it took some time, two years in fact to built a trust such as this
but once it was built it was a strong as steel
i don't think anyone out there
on that stage
the one in this memory of mine would let anyone fall
we were blood

blood mates

it is a time long gone
but once something has infected the blood it stays deep within
even if only in the blood of my memories

such times
such beauty
such innocence

i am grateful today
and i am sad
one of our blood mates
is gone
i am not one to speculate on where
i don't know
but he is not gone from our hearts
our memories
the journey that will forever stay in our hearts as the class of 1999 at North Carolina School of the Arts

Todd Swenson
i was not super close to you but you were part of one of the most exciting truthful times in my life we laughed we shared the same stage, we cried in classrooms and we were silent at times watching others find their skin you were a dear boy, a dear person, a dear soul, quiet and honest, and kind

this is the second time in two weeks i have contemplated life and death among friends
one past two weeks from high school
and now one from college
i am thoughtful and sad and actually so many things i am overwhelmed with energy
energy to move to be moved i am
happy to have all my friends in conversation talking amongst each other as if no time has past even though so much has changed
it's a beautiful thing
to be a part of such a circle
thank you to all
i love you dearly

todd, my friend, i wish you peace
i wish all my friends who are as sad as i am today to just remember those times at NCSA
sit in your memories and enjoy
life is short
and beautiful
life as we all so fully know.............

IS..............................

couch ho!