imagination

definition:

the faculty of imagining,  or of forming mental images  or concepts of what is not actually present to the senses.

this week has been full of contemplation.  i have been in pursuit of finding my center once again.  i don't know what knocks me off, but when it happens i feel frantic and unfocused.  i feel lost and unable to really get anything that matters to me done.  my center is the spoke that rotates my wheel of life.  it is what takes me around through the hours of the days and days of the week and months of the years ahead.  i need to be centered in order to feel rooted to my daily life.


i bring up the word imagination because it matters.  i have worked very hard to find a way to incorporate my personal philosophy of life into my daily living.  it's sometimes very difficult to remember to open my eyes and see what is around me, to live in the moment and to experience that moment at the same time. but i try and i do and i have-most of the time.  


the imagination of our kids are remarkable. 


 they are so willing to just make it up.   to believe in what ever they are saying and seeing through their eyes.  its fascinating to watch and i find myself somewhat envious to it. sometimes i find that i wish i had those eyes and that impulse!  then it occurred to me, i do.  i do if i want to.  i do if i choose to.  i can "make it up" too, I can " see through those eyes, my eyes" if i choose to.  i too have IMAGINATION i just haven't been using it, or rather not recognizing that i am when i do.


my inner self is longing to put some of it's inner images out into the real world.  the real world that we live in day to day.  the real world, not ones that exist in the middle of the night under the sheets and during the ticking of the clock.  these worlds sit in silence in the mind until the night comes again.  i'd like to find a way to bring both together.  both of them exist so heavily in my experience.  both are real to me in the moment.  if i am awake, i am mindful of the world around me, if i am sleeping i am enveloped by images that i feel are so very real. i wake up and feel the tug of both worlds, each pulling me like a kids tug of war game.


this morning logan woke up yelling for "panda".  he came downstairs asking me where his panda was?  "the one that was black and white and came from the store."  i knew instantly he had dreamt it, but he was so certain he had a panda bear and that it was here.  he looked around the living room and then decided it must be in the car.  i couldn't stop him, he was so determined.  he walked outside in the gusty wind and wet grass and opened the door to the van.  he got in and yelled, "panda where are you"  i just watched, trying in intervals to reassure him that he was going off a dream and that we would try and find a panda for him to buy.  he called and called and then realized he wasn't there, and sat in his seat and cried.  it was sad, but as sad as it was it was beautiful...he was just being a kid wanting his bear that never existed anyway, except in his mind, in his night time life...his dreaming....his imagination.  he came back in and i told him we would find him a panda.....he had already named it, "dragon panda".  he is very much into dragons these days and everything he names is dragon something......


i want to be a dragon.  fly. spit fire. be bigger than life.  i think i will.  
today i am a dragon.  
today i will fly around and look at the world from his eyes.  
today i will spit fire.
i will spit out  the bad and keep the good deep 
today i will find a way to fill my world with imagination.