Happy Holidays

Apparently America is not going to stop this Christmas season from coming.

I have been out, I have seen the CRAZY shoppers, the mad dash to the "best buys" and I am absolutely considering moving to Switzerland!

This is ridiculous.  It's rather embaressing. and diffently way  OVER tthe TOP! 

I have heard horror stories and then some and am now working on becoming a member of 

"occuppied wall street".  I get it and am committed to some serious research.  WHY? do we American's find it SO necessary to BUY.  To DEFINE ourselfs with STUFF?  

I hav no real solid opinion right now.  I surely have theories and will be back with some thoughts.  For now, just know that I am 

in 

AHH...............

in 

WONDER...........

on SPECULATION..........

Happy Holidays to what counts and to those that have lost their way

I say

"I will be back."

Birthday Wishes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!!!

I love you like no other
The times we have shared
and the times yet to be shared are some of the most cherished of my heart.

Thanks for being my best friend, putting up with me day after day and year after year
I couldn't do what I do without you.  Promise :-)

Cheers to the years past, today, and the ones yet to be.

xxxoox
steph

TIME IN A BOTTLE

Where has all the TIME gone?

I was writing the date down today and I jerked my head back and "really, it's the 15th!"

It's the middle of November!

When did THAT happen?

Where has all the TIME gone? 

 Fall just started--or so I thought.  

I started my drive home from my daily pick-ups from school and took TIME to look around me.  I saw the trees with no leaves.  I saw the branches naked taking a shower in Autumn's falling rain.  I saw the pumpkins with no faces on the front porches of closed up houses.  I smelled the air.  It was dry.  It was a wet day , but the cool soft air was dry. 

 I looked down and saw yellow, gold, and stunning red looking back up at me. Beautiful colors of Autumn's TIME.

Tatum handed me a red leaf yesterday.  

I loved it.  I said, "thanks little miss." 

 Put it in the dashboard of my car, buckled her up, checked my messages and drove off.

As I was driving down the road I saw the leaf sitting there, I looked outside and saw all the other leaves enveloping the rolling hills around me.  I realized that I was moving too fast.  Like the changing of fall to winter. I wasn't taking TIME to take it all in.

Fall.  

All.

ll.

A slap in the face.

 Like a pregnancy stick with a + sign! 

I was moving too fast and TIME was going right along with me.  I needed to breathe.  Take life in.  I will forget about all the little things that really don't matter and will eventually change with TIME.

 I am happy in my new thought.

Pretty soon it will be TIME to change again.

once three now four

two years ago hiking

age 5 still wii it!

lamenting logan at 4

i am not sure THIS will ever change ;-)

 Winter oh winter, what will you bring? How much TIME will I give you?

  Old man winter has grabbed its keys to start its engine.

TIME is moving it's little hot engine right through to the end of 2011.

time flying away east? north? west? south?

where did she go?

I have never been so aware of how fast MY TIME is moving.  

I remember when I was a tee-tiny-wee-one I would run around without a care in the world.  There were no clocks in my imagination. There were no sounds of the tic-toc in my movements.  There were no feelings that I had to be anywhere except right where is stood.

a TIME gone.

three ducks in a moment of time

There is a moment when all the day is settled into a bath full of bubbles and smiling happy kids giddy over hot water and clean hair.  

The tub is full.  

The toys are swimming.

The water is slowly BUT surely getting cold.  

These three ducks are at an end of an era.  

In a very short time they will not be able to fit in the same tub, nor will they want to. 

 I realize,  while watching them and laughing with them, that this is coming to an end. 

 My ducks are bigger than they were this time last year. 

 The three of them are full of energy and life that only a 7 , 5 and 4 year can hold.  

They are BECOMING. 

 Like flowers coming out of the earth, growing taller and brighter, more colorful with each given day. 

I am in this moment. 

And in this moment I feel eternity. 

           

To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower

Hold Infinity in the palm of you hand

And Eternity in an hour.

-william blake-

The time changes this weekend and i can't be more happy!

I had no coffee this dark November morning. It was really hard to put my feet on the floor.

thank god i have my gold card!

 When I finally made it down the stairs it was 62degrees on the thermostat while the warm embers from the night before sat in ashes in the dark quiet fireplace.  

Getting the kids up was going to be a challenge.

Matt has been traveling and all the balls are in my court.  It's not so bad ONCE they wake up, but holy macaroni getting them to open their eyes, and keep them open, is like trying to get Boone Dog to be nice to strangers--virtually impossible. 

BUT

Eventually Boone makes friends, and eventually their sleepy little eyes adjust to the light and the sound of Tom and Jerry and Wii is more appealing than their dreams that are in and out with reality.

Tatum in the best, Jack is the worst.  Logan gets ready fastest once he's up.  Their feet were so cold on the hardwood this morning it is now my mission for the weekend to find some slippers for each little duck. 

My ducks.

I love them.

They are worth all the .............................................................................................................................................................................................................to infinity........and beyond!

quack quack.

"Trick or Treat

smell my feet

give me something good to eat

if you don't 

i don't care

i'll pull down your underwear"

halloween has come and

gone

but not the memories

the kids had a blast!

and our neighborhood NEVER fails to step up to the plate and give it their all.

it's so much fun 

hectic

and full of candy 

it's a great time!

the kids all went to sleep an hour late and woke up with makeup on their face

now THAT"S a PARTY!

matt made a homemade candy corn cake

and i got the kids all ready to get the loot!

halloween is a time to be a kid

no matter your age

a time to eat sweets 

count candy 

and get spooked!

happy harvest to all

hope the rest of fall is delightful and full of grace

thanks mr. pumkin

hello kitty tatum style

two cats

hayla at her best!

we could quite figure out what logan was, he did it all himself, he was very pleased with himself!

a door opens with more candy!

knock knock

coolest mario i'll ever know

pumkin man

gotta love cyn's orange wing

kids we meet in the street

counting

counting more

matt said goth man
i said drug addict

too yummy
for words

time to get ready to celebrate the joy of living and giving

hope everyone is ready for the cold 

it's coming!

IN MEMORY of such GOOD MEMORIES

i have memories that i go back to when i need to find a good place to sit

i find myself sitting on a stage in the light of one spot and breathing
a black floor
a silent room filled with the ghosts of laughter, anticipation, tears
 music and song
when i look out among the room i see
seats fill the space
row after row
they sit dimly covered by the light of the lone light
the sun above

i am oddly sad
sitting here
remembering
this was the place of one of my first loves
one of the most authentic loves of my life
something that caught me off guard
i never saw it coming until it had already taken me over






the stage
acting
performing
using written talents of others my self and my heart to affect the souls of many sitting in the red sits
watching
all all too in the same air
inhale
exhale
alive
together
experiencing
moments that were made up
but so real

i love the stage
the theatre
live theatre
the pulse
the heart
 of entertainment

i love the silence sitting
waiting for the show to take over and fill the space with life
the dressing rooms
where you'd find your costume hanging
waiting for a warm body to fill it with life
the makeup
sitting waiting to be used

the water bottles
the music
the quite chatter of everyone focusing on the moments to come
but talking among themselves as friends

real friends
maybe not the same people
all from different places, different backgrounds
but one thing in common
love for acting
performing
theatre


i miss it
i think of it often and the things that surround me
that filled my mind
the questions of humanity of motivation of the human soul

i miss my friends
my ensemble that i trusted choice after choice
line after line
if i fell
someone would run and pick me up
if i was scared
eyes looked at me quieting saying your fine
go for it
it took some time, two years in fact to built a trust such as this
but once it was built it was a strong as steel
i don't think anyone out there
on that stage
the one in this memory of mine would let anyone fall
we were blood

blood mates

it is a time long gone
but once something has infected the blood it stays deep within
even if only in the blood of my memories

such times
such beauty
such innocence

i am grateful today
and i am sad
one of our blood mates
is gone
i am not one to speculate on where
i don't know
but he is not gone from our hearts
our memories
the journey that will forever stay in our hearts as the class of 1999 at North Carolina School of the Arts

Todd Swenson
i was not super close to you but you were part of one of the most exciting truthful times in my life we laughed we shared the same stage, we cried in classrooms and we were silent at times watching others find their skin you were a dear boy, a dear person, a dear soul, quiet and honest, and kind

this is the second time in two weeks i have contemplated life and death among friends
one past two weeks from high school
and now one from college
i am thoughtful and sad and actually so many things i am overwhelmed with energy
energy to move to be moved i am
happy to have all my friends in conversation talking amongst each other as if no time has past even though so much has changed
it's a beautiful thing
to be a part of such a circle
thank you to all
i love you dearly

todd, my friend, i wish you peace
i wish all my friends who are as sad as i am today to just remember those times at NCSA
sit in your memories and enjoy
life is short
and beautiful
life as we all so fully know.............

IS..............................

couch ho!